i don't like sucking hair
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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