Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
