how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
