I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
