I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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