I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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