im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
