You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
