I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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