Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
