thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
