he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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