I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
