Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize