I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
