dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
