It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
