are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i drank out of a bidet.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
