stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
