if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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