my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
