I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
