So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
