I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
