last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
