Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
