STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
