Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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