woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
