the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
