my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
