Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
