Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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