somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize