why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize