His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
