im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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