Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
