She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
