I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
