We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
