In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
