I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
