I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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