i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
