see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
