Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
