I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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