I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
