That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
