Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
