Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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