I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
