i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
