why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
