Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
