Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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