I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
