Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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